The commitment conversation is the most lopsided negotiation in your athlete's life. The coach has been through it hundreds of times. They know exactly what to say, when to say it, and which parent to look at when they say it. One parent who went through this described it as "a prepared monologue aimed towards your parents" — a polished presentation designed to close the deal emotionally before you've had time to think.
Your athlete has spent years trying to get offers. Most families spend almost no time preparing for what to do once they have one. That imbalance is where decisions go wrong.
The questions below are organized by category. Some are uncomfortable to ask. Ask them anyway — a coach who stonewalls reasonable questions is giving you information just as useful as any answer they provide.
The money questions
Scholarship math is where families get hurt most often, and it's the area where the gap between what's said and what's real is widest. A family described getting "a shiny $20k scholarship" only to discover it was $20,000 total over four years — $5,000 per year at a school that cost $50,000 per year. The scholarship looked real until they did the arithmetic.
What is the actual out-of-pocket cost after all forms of aid?
Not the scholarship amount — the remaining annual bill. Ask for the full cost of attendance (tuition, fees, room, board, books, personal expenses) and what aid will cover. Run the school's net price calculator before the visit so you already have a baseline. A 40% scholarship at an expensive private school can cost more than full price at an in-state public.
Is this scholarship renewable for four years, and under what conditions can it be reduced or revoked?
NCAA athletic scholarships are awarded one year at a time and must be renewed annually. Most are renewed, but "most" is not "all." Ask specifically: what has to happen for a scholarship to be reduced or pulled? Academic standing? Performance? A coaching change? Get the specific conditions, not a general reassurance.
Can athletic aid be stacked with academic or need-based aid at this school?
Many schools allow athletic scholarships to be combined with merit scholarships and need-based grants, which can significantly change the net cost. Others have policies that cap total aid at cost of attendance, meaning additional merit money doesn't increase the total package. Ask directly and verify with the financial aid office — not just the coach.
If my athlete is seriously injured and can no longer compete, does the scholarship continue?
This is the question families are afraid to ask because it feels like bad luck. Ask it. NCAA rules require schools to honor scholarships for athletes who suffer career-ending injuries, but the specifics matter — what counts as career-ending, who makes that determination, and whether it covers a fifth year if the athlete needs more time to graduate. Know the policy before it matters.
What costs does the scholarship NOT cover?
Summer housing. Personal travel home for breaks. The gap between "cost of attendance" and what the scholarship defines as covered. These add up to thousands of dollars per year and almost no family accounts for them fully at the commitment stage.
Questions about playing time and your athlete's role
A coach selling an athlete on the program is not the same as a coach evaluating the athlete's realistic role. The presentation is designed to create excitement. These questions cut through it.
How many athletes at my position/event are returning next year, and how many are you recruiting this cycle?
If there are three returning starters at your athlete's position and the coach is recruiting two more at the same spot, that's a crowded roster. If there are two seniors graduating with no other recruits at that position, that's a different picture entirely. This is public information on the team's athletics page — look it up before the visit and ask about it directly.
What's your philosophy on freshmen who don't immediately contribute?
Some programs red-shirt or hold freshmen back. Others throw them in immediately. Neither philosophy is wrong — but your athlete needs to know which environment they're entering, because it affects everything from their academic load management to how quickly they need to perform to keep the scholarship.
Of the last five athletes who left your program before graduating, why did they leave?
Transfer, graduation, injury, or something else? A program with multiple mid-career transfers in the same position group deserves a follow-up question. Coaches don't have to answer this, and the way they respond to the question — not just what they say — tells you something. A coach who answers it straightforwardly and acknowledges when departures were rocky has more credibility than one who claims everyone left on great terms.
Coaching stability questions
The coach recruiting your athlete is not guaranteed to be the coach when they arrive, and is definitely not guaranteed to be the coach for all four years. Coaching turnover is one of the most predictable sources of commitment regret, and it's almost never discussed during the recruitment process.
How long have you been at this program, and where do you see yourself in four years?
A coach who has been at a school for three years with a strong record is a different risk profile than a coach in year one after a rebuild. Coaches who deflect this question or get visibly uncomfortable with it are telling you something. You're not asking them to sign a contract — you're asking them to be honest about their own career arc.
What happens to my athlete's scholarship if you leave?
NCAA rules generally protect scholarships when a coach leaves, but the practical reality is more complicated. A new coaching staff can let a scholarship technically stand while making an athlete's experience miserable until they decide to transfer. Know the institutional policy, and understand that a scholarship surviving a coaching change and a positive experience surviving a coaching change are two different things.
Who handles day-to-day coaching and athlete development?
At many programs, the head coach recruits and the assistant coaches actually coach. The person who has been calling your athlete for six months may have little involvement in their daily development. Ask to meet the assistant coaches. Watch how the head coach talks about them — whether they're treated as real parts of the program or props in the recruiting presentation.
Talk to current athletes — without the coach in the room
The most valuable conversations on any official visit happen when coaches aren't present. During a campus visit, athletes typically spend time with current team members — meals, dorm tours, watching practice. This time is not just social. It's research.
Current athletes will tell you things coaches won't. Not because coaches are liars, but because coaches are selling and athletes are living. The difference in perspective is enormous.
Ask the athletes you spend time with — casually, not like an interrogation:
What do you wish you had known before committing?
This is the highest-signal question on the list. Whatever they say first is usually the thing they care about most.
What's a typical week like during season — in terms of time, stress, academics?
You want specifics: when do they wake up, what's practice volume, what do travel weekends actually look like, when do they sleep. Not the glossy version — the Tuesday-in-November version.
What happens when someone gets injured?
How are injured athletes treated? Are they still part of the team or do they feel invisible? Is medical support adequate? This is especially important if your athlete's scholarship is conditional on performance.
What's the team like when things go badly?
Any team looks unified during a winning season. Ask about a losing stretch or a rough game. How did the coaches handle it? How did teammates treat each other? Culture shows itself under pressure, not during highlights.
If you can, request to speak with an athlete at your athlete's position privately — not during the group dinner, but separately. Programs that won't allow this, or athletes who are clearly scripted, are worth noting.
How to handle a deadline
Exploding offers are real. A coach sitting across from your athlete at the end of an official visit and saying "this offer is only on the table until Sunday night" is not an unusual experience — it's a documented tactic. One athlete described it exactly this way: "I felt really pressured when the head coach sat me down in his office and told me the offer was only on the table until the end of the weekend. I haven't even seen any other schools yet."
A few things are true about deadline pressure:
Legitimate programs almost never actually rescind offers for families who ask for more time. If a coach pulls an offer because a family needed two weeks to visit one more campus, that coach has told you something important about how they operate. The offer you lost was not the one you wanted.
You have the right to say: "We're very interested and want to make this decision carefully. Can we have until [specific date] to give you an answer?" Most coaches will say yes. If they won't, treat that as data.
Never commit to a program you haven't visited. Never make a final decision during a visit. And be especially wary of offers that appear during an official visit with an expiration date attached — that sequence is designed to prevent you from visiting other schools and making a comparison.
The tradeoff only your family can make
Every family reaches a version of the same question: is this the right school for my athlete's athletic future, their academic future, or both — and when they're not the same school, which one wins?
Most athletes who play college sports will not play professionally. The sport ends at 22. The degree and what it represents — the school's network, the major, the career access — continues for another 40 years. That math is worth saying out loud before committing to a program where the athletic opportunity is strong but the academic fit is mediocre.
This doesn't mean choosing academics over athletics. It means asking: if my athlete plays here for four years, graduates, and the sport ends — where does that put them? If the answer is a strong network, a degree that opens doors, and a set of experiences that translate to life after sports, that's a good answer regardless of whether the program is D1, D2, or D3. If the answer is a depleted academic record and a degree from a school whose name means nothing in the career path they want, that's worth weighing against whatever the athletic opportunity offers.
The bottom line
By the time offers arrive, most families feel like the recruiting process is almost over. It's not. The commitment decision is where the process actually culminates — and where the least guidance exists. The coach has a script. The visits are designed to create momentum toward yes. The scholarship math is presented in the most favorable framing possible.
The questions in this article don't make the decision for you. They make sure you're deciding with actual information rather than a presentation. If you have official visits coming up, our guide to what to expect on a college official visit covers how to prepare for and evaluate the experience. If you want to understand what happens after you make a verbal commitment — including what protections you do and don't have — read our guide on how verbal commitments work. If the financial side is still unclear, our breakdown of how college athletic scholarships actually work covers everything from head-count vs. equivalency to how to compare net costs across schools and divisions. And for the specific framework of comparing two or more offers side by side — net cost, hidden expenses, renewal conditions — our guide to comparing scholarship offers walks through the math step by step.